Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
