The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
