I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
