This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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