i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
