he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
