just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
