If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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