Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
