chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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