Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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