So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
