so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
