please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What a dumb baby whore.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
