his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
