We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
