After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
