I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All the doctor said was why
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
