The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
