you have to choose: penises or morals?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
