we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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