my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
