My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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