As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
