I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Found your dick twin last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
