soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
