She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
