And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
