I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize