North Korea, Best Korea!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
