Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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