YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
