ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
