last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
