I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
