The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
