:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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