Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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