Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
