you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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