He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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