I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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