Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
