He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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