obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
