Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
