I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
