He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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