i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
