Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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