dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
