I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
