He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
