I didn't shave. On purpose
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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